Never had I been through so rough a journey. I was sad. I was mad. This was the first pregnancy I had without the aid of fertility drugs. Why give a gift if you're just going to abruptly snatch it back? I was mad at God, even to the point of wanting to turn my back on Him. I'm so glad He didn't turn His back on me.
My hard journey only served to highlight the contrast between the light and the darkness. God brought me through to the other side of grief where I am sincerely joyful for my son. God has brought me to a place where all that I truly want is to be where He wants me, doing whatever He wants me to do.
One of the things that I'm obedient in (finally!) is writing. I submitted my very first devotional to Proverbs 31 Ministries and it was accepted! Exciting, but humbling! But I know I'm being obedient to his call.
1 Peter 4.11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
A couple of resources that were extremely helpful in setting my mind on the eternal during my journey of grief were the books Through a Season of Grief by my friend Kathy Leonard, also a former North Waker and Heaven by Randy Alcorn. Through Mr. Alcorn's research of scripture, he was able to paint a picture that helped me know that Jonathan is truly in a better place.
He would have been three, though, and I still miss him.