Tuesday, November 25, 2008

He Would Have Been Three

He was due October 1, 2005. He arrived way too early for my plans on May 6, 2005 at about 20 weeks. But he was just on time for God's perfect plan. He was 8 1/2 inches long, weighed 10 ounces and was fully a little boy. I remember vividly that he even had the shape of his daddy's mouth.


Never had I been through so rough a journey. I was sad. I was mad. This was the first pregnancy I had without the aid of fertility drugs. Why give a gift if you're just going to abruptly snatch it back? I was mad at God, even to the point of wanting to turn my back on Him. I'm so glad He didn't turn His back on me.


My hard journey only served to highlight the contrast between the light and the darkness. God brought me through to the other side of grief where I am sincerely joyful for my son. God has brought me to a place where all that I truly want is to be where He wants me, doing whatever He wants me to do.


One of the things that I'm obedient in (finally!) is writing. I submitted my very first devotional to Proverbs 31 Ministries and it was accepted! Exciting, but humbling! But I know I'm being obedient to his call.

1 Peter 4.11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.




A couple of resources that were extremely helpful in setting my mind on the eternal during my journey of grief were the books Through a Season of Grief by my friend Kathy Leonard, also a former North Waker and Heaven by Randy Alcorn. Through Mr. Alcorn's research of scripture, he was able to paint a picture that helped me know that Jonathan is truly in a better place.

He would have been three, though, and I still miss him.


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9 comments:

hashbrowns said...

Thank you for writing, Sylvia... I don't have words for you, dear friend, but please know I am grateful for yours.

alison said...

God is using you, that's for sure! You're a great example to so many. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing Jonathan's story.

Renee said...

Hi Sylvia,

I loved your post. It touched me deeply. We have four children on earth with us and three in heaven. In my 5th month of pregnancy (with each child) I went in and there was no heartbeat. I still think about those babies and wonder...what if? Then I am reminded that they went from the safety and warmth of a mother's womb right into the arms of their loving father. They never had to deal with their sin nature! While it still hurts and I wish I could have held them in my arms. I do find comfort knowing they are in the arms of The Great Shepherd.

PS: I would love to talk to you sometime about the devotion published on Proverbs 31 blog. I am so happy for you.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Renee Peebles
fellow homeschooler

Renee said...

Hi there,

Yes, I know it does get harder, but like you said it's worth it. I read yesterday that we are God's treasure. I am so glad God never gives up on me.

No, I will not be at Tea. We are joining group again in January.

Renee

Jennifer said...

Sylvia,

So glad to have found your blog through your P31 devotion....I was so excited when I opened the devotion and thought "I know her"! (We were in Amy's speaker group together this past May!) Your devotion - and post - were beautiful. Just as Jonathan would have been three - my buddy would now be 16!! Hasn't God been faithful!!

I will stop by your blog again...to say hello! So glad you are using your writing. God bless,

Jennifer
(Tyler's mommy)

Creech Family said...

Dear Sylvia-
Oh, how I ached to see Candace's face three + years ago when she told me the news. The loss of a child is something that never leaves us, does it? It is so wonderful that your pain has been turned to ministry to other women. May you have a very blessed week!
-F

carrie said...

Thanks for your memories!

Kathy said...

Sylvia, thanks for sharing so openly. With this week beginning Sanctity of Human Life week, I am imagining the aftermath of NOT choosing life for the unborn. I pray that your own loss, not of your choosing, will propell you, and all of us, to pray farther for God's mercy to have a fragrance that draws the aching heart to Him. I pray for His great purposes for you Sylvia. I hope my reply makes some kind of sense.
Blessings.

Angel said...

I too lost a little one at around 20 weeks. It has been around 16 years now and the pain can still be so fresh sometimes. Sometimes the most unlikely of things will take you back... However, knowing that they await us in Heaven is a huge comfort. Praise God for that!